WHEN THE HELL IS THIS MEGAZINE COMNG OUT ? ? ? ? WELL YOU THINK THAT
IT IS SO EASY DON'T YOU. FIRST I HAVE TO READ MY MAIL WHICH IS
MOSTLY MADE UP OF JUNK FROM COMPANIES THAT WANT ME TO CALL THEIR
900 NUMBERS TO WIN FABULOUS PRIZES. EVERY ONCE IN A BLUE MOON I GET
STUFF TO PUT IN THIS MAGAZINE BUT SINCE IT HASN'T BEEN PUBLISHED IN
FORTY DAYS SOME PEOPLE PROBABLY THOUGHT WE BUILT AN ARK, LOADED IT
FULL OF SHIT, AND SAILED DOWN THE MISSAPEEPEE. WELL WE AINT NO TOM
SAWYER BUT WE AINT NO SUPER MARIO EITHER. SO HERE IS THIS VOLUME 8 ISSUE
LOUD
WITH PURPOSE....
RECTOPLASM REFRIGERATOR MAGNETS
MOTHER DRIVES THE KIDS ON THEIR DATE
DIRTY TRUCKS FULL OF LETTUCE HEADS
BLOCK THE TRAFFIC AND MAKE US MAD
STANDING IN LINE AT ARBYS
MY SHOES ARE FILLED WITH SAWDUST
I PUT A LITTLE GLUE ON MY GIRLFRIENDS HANDS
I WANT TO BUY SOME COLORED RUBBERBANDS
WINTER SUNSHINE MAKES ME SNEEZE
THE REFRIGERATOR MAGNETS ARE HARD TO PLEASE
WE WERE LOOKING FOR APARTMENTS IN THE DIRT AND SLIME WHEN ALL
OF A SUDDEN MY WATCH TURNED INTO MR. ED. MR. ED SAID THAT I HAD A BIG
HEAD AND THAT I NEEDED A NEW BED. SO WE RAN OVER TO PIER 1 IMPORTS
AND BROKE ALL THE DISHES ON THAT WONDERFUL DAY AND THAT DISTURBED
ALL THE YUPPIES WHO HAD JUST BOUGHT PUPPIES AND THEY HAD POOPED ON
ALL THEIR NEW PIER 1 DISHES. THEY NEEDED NEW ONES, YOU SEE, AND WE
BROKE THEM ALL SO THEY TRIED TO THROW US IN THE SEWER BUT THEY WERE
TOO PRISSY TO SMELL ALL THE WASTE JUST LIKE THE WASTE ON THEIR
SPOILED BLACK DISHES WITH THE BLACK SILVERWARE AND THEIR BLACK
GLASSES HAD PISS IN THEM AND THEY STARTED TO CRY BECAUSE THEY HAD
TO CANCEL THEIR DINNER PARTY WITH ALL THEIR YUPPIE FRIENDS WITH
THEIR PUPPIES. MR. ED HAD ENOUGH OF THEIR BULLSHIT SO HE DIED AND
I THEREFORE HAD TO BURY HIM IN MY BACKYARD WITH MY TURTLES.
I will be the one to be a
martyr for no cause because
i've seen it happen on days like these
when no warm flame can be found for a cold smoke
TURN PAGE
GET ME OUT OF HERE!