SHOULD NOT DRINK ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES DURING PREGNANCY BECAUSE OF
THE RISK OF BIRTH DEFECTS. (2) CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES
IMPAIRS YOUR ABILITY TO DRIVE A CARDBOARD CONTAINER OR OPERATE
MACHINERY,AND MAY CAUSE HEALTH PROBLEMS. (3) VOMITING MAY OCCUR
IF YOU DRINK THE BEER IN YUPPIE COMMERCIALS. úOK LETS FACE IT WE
ALL WANT TO BE YUPPIES. WE ALL WANT TO BE ALL TO WAVE ALL THAT
MONEY IN OUR PARENTS FACES AND SAY " HA, I MADE MORE MONEY THIS
WEEK THAN YOU WERE EVER ABLE TO SAVE IN A JAR !" SO I'VE DECIDED
| TO GET INTO MY CAR AND DRIVING DOWN THE HIGHWAY I CRASH INTO A SOLID BRICK WALL PUT THERE BY THE- SANITATION ENGINEERS IN CAHOOTS WITH THE AUTOMOBILE INSURANCE COMPANIES. SO I PICKED UP THE TWISTED MASS OF PLASTIC LEMONADE TAINTED EUROSPORT OVERPRICED DIRTY SMOKE BELCHING TURBO HAIRDRYER AND CARRIED IT OVER TO PETER BRADY'S QUICK FIX IT AUTO RAPE SHOP WHICH WAS A BIG MISTAKE BECAUSE WHILE I WAS READING THE LASTEST ISSUE OF GIOIA MACARONI AND HOME REPAIR HE DIDN'T HAVE THE RIGHT SIZE WINSHEILD TO FIT IN MY CAR SO HE WOUND UP GLUING THE ORIGINAL ONE BACK TOGETHER PIECE BY PIECE WITH CLEAR PEANUT BUTTER WHICH LOOKED FINE IN THE DAYLIGHT BUT THEN THE NEXT WEEK WHEN I TOOK THE FAMILY TO THE AFRICAN JUNGLE, THE MONKEYS STARTED LICKING THE WINDSHEILD AND THE WHOLE CAR FELL APART IN THE MIDDLE OF KENYA. MUCH TO MY DISMAY, MY WIFE JUST SAT THERE SAYING " I TOLD YOU TO USE THE CRUNCHY PEANUT BUTTER" WHILE THE KIDS IN THE BACK SEAT KEPT PLEADING WITH ME TO PLAY THE LIONEL RICHIE CD.  JUST AS I WAS ABOUT TO GIVE INAND SING THE BUTTERCUP SONG, THE GUY FROM THE 7-UP COMMERCIALS COMES WALKING OUT FROM BEING A FAKE BUSH CAMPAIGN POSTER AND SAYS TO ME " AY MON TIS LUK HAS IT ISE MAYS BE ABUL TO HALP YOUZ. FO 500 DOLLAHS ISE WIL CAUL MY FREND PIERRE ZE ELEFANT TO COM AN RESKU YOUZ." WELL IT MUST BE MY LUCKY DAY I THOUGHT AS I PULLED OUT MY AMERICAN EXPRESS, DINERS CLUB, DISCOVER CARD, AFRICAN EXPRESS, VIDEOS OF KENYA CARD, HELP |
WHEN YOU NEED IT CARD, MASTERBATE CARD, FART CARD, I HAVE A HEADACHE CARD, I OWE YOU ONE NIGHT OF PURE JELLO WRESTLING CARD, VISA CARD, LEANING TOWER OF PIZA CARD, SEARS, JCPENNIES, AND AN OLD UNUSED CONDOM FROM 1954, EVERTHING I HAD IN MY WALLET, AND MR.UNCOLA HIMSELF JUST STOOD THERE AND SHOOK HIS HEAD SAYING " PIERRE AND MI,, WE LIKE CASH !!!" SO THIS IS THE TERRIBLE ENDING TO THE YUPPIE FAMILY, THE FAMILY WHO REFUSED TO CARRY CASH ON ANY OF THEIR VENTURES OUTSIDE OF THEIR PLASTIC YUPPIE HOUSE, AND NOW THEY'RE DEAD BUT ALL THE NEIGHBORS THINK THEY ARE ON A REALLY LONG VACATION TRIP, BECAUSE CHEMLAWN COMES BY ONCE A WEEK EVEN IN THE WINTER. SO ALL THE NEIGHBORS SITAROUND IN THEIR CARDBOARD BOXES AND PLAN NEXT YEARS VACATION HOW ITS GONNA BE SO GREAT AND WE'LL GO TO NIAGARA FALLSù,TORONTOú,EPCOT CENTER,- DISNEYWORM, NEW ORLEANS, OLD ORLEANS,AND GET REALLY NEAT HOTEL ROOMS WITH GLASS SHOWER CURTAINS,- ROOM SERVICE,ICE MACHINES AND THAT GUY WHO WALKS AROUND FROM NIGHTCOURT SAYING "YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE TO HOLIDAY INN ".WE'LL HAVE NEET ALARMS HOOKED UP ON THE TOILET SEATS SO IF YOU FART APART THE WHOLE HOTEL WILL KNOW ABOUT IT BY A FLASHING MUSHROOM CLOUD OUTSIDE YOUR ROOM DOOR, WHICH REMINDS ME TO GET SOME AIRWICK ROOM FRESHENERS BEFORE I PACK THE CAR. |
